How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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