Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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