Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
