Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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