Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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