dude i'm inner monologue high
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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