small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My feet surprised me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
