I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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