SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
