shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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