bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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