ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
