Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
