why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
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