and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sext me about skeletons
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
