That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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