All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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