when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
