I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
