im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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