remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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