Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
