I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
