Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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