maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
worst night to have a conscience
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
