I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
