Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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