You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
