So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize