So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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