goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
