just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
