Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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