We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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