There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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