I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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