me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think i have two assholes
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
