I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
