Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
