i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My feet surprised me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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