I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
