I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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