You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
