dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
