I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
