I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The best revenge is premature balding
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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