non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
