bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
