I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
