I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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