You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize