I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
