it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
