Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
