Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
