The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
