The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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