i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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