2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
