May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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