I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
