Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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