The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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