i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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