Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
