I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
